What is patience?
How do we become patient people? And more importantly, how do we become patient technology advisors, teachers, and consultants?
I think a number of factors contribute to being truly patient:
- Remember when you had to learn something new: Try to understand the other person’s perspective as much as possible. Ideally, from a place of “I have experienced something very similar to what you are experiencing now.” Example: While teaching someone about computers, relate it to the time you tried to understand accounting for the first time. How did you feel in that moment?
- When in doubt, “ssshh”: Being quiet and listening, and asking thoughtful questions, will always display caring and patience to the other person.
- Curiosity is a tool: Recognize that even when you think you understand where they’re coming from, you probably don’t. Curiosity about them and their world view is the only option to find out how they think and work.
- Check in with them: “How is it going so far? Is there anything I’ve said that doesn’t add up? Anything I can do differently?” This question can sometimes feel a bit uncomfortable to ask, but that’s usually because we don’t want to recognize the possibility of our own failure in communicating. Getting the data from them is the only way to adapt and learn.
- Remember what confused/overwhelmed feels like for you: Look at and understand the patterns you run when you’re confused, overloaded, or fearful. Once we see and accept those patterns in ourselves we can be more compassionate towards other people who display their version of that same thing. Example: When I am overwhelmed with several competing priorities, while jacked on caffeine, I might experience mental shut down, say “screw this”, and need to go for a 10 minute walk. How do you do it?
- Be a chameleon: Understand that teaching or communicating needs to be completely tailored to each person we work with, in their preferred style. If the student is not learning, the teacher is failing. In essence, we need to be skilled communication chameleons.
- Govern your tone and body movements: A lot of effort needs to be dedicated to managing outward displays of exasperation or lack of focus. The above points will help us get into a better mental state, but several things can still happen in the course of a conversation that will try anyone’s patience. Looking away from their eyes, looking at your cell phone, rolling your eyes, certain facial expressions, and especially an exasperated tone, can all interrupt rapport and give the impression of a lack of patience despite our best mental efforts.
- They can be patient too: Helping the other person to also be patient can often help a lot. Just say something like “listen, I know this can be frustrating, and I know it’s not fully making sense yet, but I’m doing my best and I’d love to have you on the same team as me. Can we work through this together?”
A foundation of patience in communication is absolutely critical in all business interactions. Technology systems and training especially, but it applies everywhere.
I think patience requires compassion, and requires an understanding of how WE feel when we are stressed, fearful, overloaded, etc. It’s so easy to forget that not everyone knows what we know, and it’s so easy to expect that they SHOULD know.
I was inspired to learn new ways to teach my team and our clients after an enlightening sailing trip with Captain Lorenzo Distefano, in False Creek. He asked us to do certain jobs with the ropes and pulleys, patiently giving helpful tips without controlling, allowing some learning through trial and error. He didn’t lose his cool or take over even once. He then asked us to man those stations as the boat pulled into the dock, so we had immediate hands-on practice in a live setting. I had an experience of doing something new in a high stress situation, while taught by a patient and helpful teacher. It was pretty awesome.
I have worked with many technicians and consultants who have a “get in get out” mentality. Fix the problem and leave, interacting with the person as little as possible.
This method will always fix the computer problem perfectly, resolving it technically. You will often find, however, that you will still receive many followup support requests despite the so-called “perfect solution.”
I believe this is because a “perfect solution” also requires teaching the people involved, guiding them, creating a document, helping them to understand with hands-on experience using the system. We learn by doing, and by failing a few times. There is no other way.
Confucius once said: “I hear, I know. I see, I remember. I do, I understand.”
I couldn’t agree more.
